My day with a Kenyan traffic cop

I wrote this story several years back but never got around to formally publishing it. No effort is wasted though; a year or so ago I was crossing the Railways roundabout and who do I bump into but Sang; and he remembers me. We exchanged numbers. I don’t mind having a cop for a friend. This is Kenya; we all need a cop friend.


Photo: Courtesy

It’s a chilly morning and though the last vestiges of darkness are still hanging around, Nairobi city is very much awake. The usual hordes are alighting and getting into buses headed for God-knows-where in the usual Nairobi urgency.
Having been used to getting into town much later after day break, I am actually surprised at the number of people already up and about.

The people jam is almost as thick as during the later hours of the day. I check the city clock at the Old Nation roundabout. It is 6.05 am.
I have to hurry to my day’s post- the Uhuru Highway-Kenyatta Avenue roundabout (commonly called GPO roundabout).

On arriving there I find the traffic cops, stern-faced, busy at the four intersections. I try to speak with one of them who is nearest to me, but he rudely shoos me away. “Later,” he says. “Can’t you see the way the jam is thick here? Find someone there to talk to,” he tells me as he points towards the direction of the GPO and immediately gets back to the middle of the road with the same no-nonsense look, ear on the radio.
He probably thinks I am lost and asking for directions. I look around and finding a traffic light pole, I lean on it and watch the proceedings. After all my assignment today is to spend the day with the traffic officer and his colleagues. No need of getting uptight about a man who is doing his job.

Besides me is a crowd of girls in wigs, stilettos and tights, advertising an energy drink. I wince at the sight of the 6-inch heels thinking of the strain those calves must be feeling. A security guard watches over the promotion material placed strategically on the round about. On the round-about itself, another group of six girls looking silly in one huge t-shirt make the rounds as they advertise a new tariff for a mobile service provider. One of their colleagues is moving around with a horn-speaker advertising the tariff to the chagrin of the motorist whose nerves are already frayed from being held in the jam for too long.

I eventually approach another officer who this time takes time to listen to my rather naïve explanation about how I want to spend the day with them. He refers me to the officer in charge who is at the extreme end of the round about. I take about five minutes trying to navigate through the heavy traffic to get to the other end. To my disappointment, I discover that he is actually the officer I had approached in the beginning. However I cannot even get to him as he is perpetually situated in the middle of the road. I have been here for a little over an hour and I am already tired. The dust and smoke in the air too is making my eyes smart.

Photo: Courtesy

Finally I get to talk to the officer in charge who absolutely refuses to give his name, and he explains that the jam is unusually bad because traffic had to be held up as the Head of State was coming from the airport that morning.
“The problem with Nairobi roads is that when one road gets closed all the others clog up,” he tells me but has to leave to attend to traffic. He whistles to his colleague across the road, I suppose signaling him to open his side of the road. It’s 8.25am and the jam is as thick as it can be. I drift back to the officer on Uhuru highway who informs me that he is called Sang.
“We can’t use the traffic lights to direct traffic,” he tells me. “Sometimes the volume on one route is heavy and if we were to follow the lights alone, people on Mombasa road who left home at 6.30am would get to town at 11am. There was a time people complained that we were meddling with traffic lights so for two days we were at our posts but let traffic move with the lights. We have never witnessed so much chaos on the road like those two days. We had to revert to directing the traffic ourselves.”

Archaic traffic lights

Sang explains to me that the timing of the street lights is archaic and cannot adequately cater for the upsurge in the number of cars on the road. The traffic lights operate anticlockwise and so do the cops. That means that after traffic on Kenyatta Avenue from Community is released, then it is followed by Uhuru Highway from Mombasa Road, then Kenyatta Avenue from town then Uhuru Highway towards University Way round about and so on. Only when one road is blocked can they alter the pattern to avoid deadlocking the roundabout.

The timing of the street lights itself has been allocated according to deemed priority. For example the “go” lights on Uhuru highway out of town and into town take a bit longer than the rest. I notice that the traffic from Mombasa road keeps getting stopped after every few seconds. Sang explains: “We have to intervene depending on the priority. In the morning, the priority is getting people into town. In the evening it is getting people out of town. The other roads, therefore, get less priority.

“Other times one road may get blocked so we let the ones that are open to go. Even if the light turns to green and the motorists keep on hooting, we just ignore them because there is simply nowhere for them to go. We can’t let them block the roundabout. When traffic lightens, we revert to using the lights,” Sang tells me as he flexes his legs. “This work can be tiring you see, but we have gotten used to it” he says. And I totally agree. My legs are already twitching from the strain of being on my feet for so long.

So what time does he report on duty? “Sometimes I have to be here by 5.00 or 5.30am. Most times however I am here by 6.00am. That is when traffic starts building up,” he tells me.
Usually, the traffic officers report to the Kamukunji Police Station at 5.00am for briefing on what is expected on the roads that day before each goes to his week’s post. The next week, for another seven days, Sang tells me he will be at another spot.

Photo: Courtesy

It is now 11.00am. Motorists are now relying fully on the traffic lights and we can all take a breather. However a slight jam is developing near GPO and when one officer arrives there, he finds that a Citi Hoppa bus is picking passengers from the road thereby blocking traffic. Sang stops it and orders all passengers to get into another vehicle so that he can take the bus to the Traffic Police  headquarters. However, the passengers in revolt refuse to get out since they have already paid the bus fares.

“Why are you delaying us here and it is not our mistake,” one man goes at the officer. “Just deal with the driver or his conductor and let us go.” But Sang is adamant. He is taking the vehicle to the headquarters. Eventually he has to call the chief who convinces the passengers to take another bus once they have been refunded their money.

Traffic continues moving smoothly and for the best part of the afternoon, the motorists abide by the rules. I take this chance to grab a bite and rest my tired feet.

I am back at my post by 2pm and I find the officers still at their positions. “People like us gave up on ever being light-skinned,” Sang jokes. “No matter what lotion or face cream we use, with the sun on us every time, we just get darker.”

One driver ignores a stop sign and almost gets himself crushed by a trailer right before us. Sang just looks at him and shakes his head. “I can’t intervene as he might now get knocked down and killed. The best thing is to let him go.”

Three O’clock comes and the afternoon is largely uneventful. Traffic is still smooth. My back aches, my legs hurt and there is a dull thud in my head now. Despite the Lucozade energy boost in my hand, I feel like my knees are going to give in any minute. Why has the city council never thought of fixing one of those green benches here, I muse, but then, who am I kidding? I finally succumb to the temptation to sit down and since the only thing I can sit on here is the tarmac, I head for a nearby bench on Uhuru Park from where I can monitor the traffic situation.

Heavy traffic

By 3.30 pm, most of the lanes are at a crawling pace, especially those headed out of town. Only Uhuru Highway to Mombasa Road seems to be moving fast. But even that soon gets choked up in heavy traffic. After close to one hour of recuperating on a bench, I join Sang on the Uhuru Highway junction. Traffic continues building up slowly and by 5.30pm, it is choker blocker everywhere. The officers have suspended use of the lights and are now directing traffic themselves. Uhuru Highway towards Mombasa Road hardly seems to be moving. Very little priority is also being given to Uhuru Highway into Westlands.

Sang informs me that a vehicle has broken down on Chiromo Road and is blocking traffic. There is no where for motorists to go so he can’t open the road. And anyway, those vehicles have many other options of getting to their destinations without using Uhuru Highway, unlike those on Kenyatta Avenue that have only that route to get into and out of town, he explains.

The girls in stilettos are back doing their theatrics on the road. Through all that time, the security man guarding their promo materials has stayed put at his post in the middle of the highway and so has one of the young men doing a promo for the mobile service provider. Two of the girls catwalking across the road almost get knocked down by traffic.

On Kenyatta Avenue into town, the lights turn green. One motorist attempts to go but receives a stern warning from one of the officers who firmly places himself in the middle of the road. Horns start blaring for one annoying minute. The officer however is not moved. One driver rolls down the window and begs the officer to let them go. “We have stopped enough now,” he says. The officer explains that queues are long all over. There is no way he was letting them block the roundabout.

Its 6pm and it’s getting chilly. More people call and beg the officer to let them go and finally he does. It is now dark in the city and Sang informs me that being a Friday, the earliest he can get away is 9pm or 9.30pm. I shudder at the thought that I could be having two more hours here. My feet can not hold me for that long.
“Actually when you are in a place like Kencom, even if you came to work in a good mood, it gets spoilt. The people are many, the cars are many, and the stage is small. Sometimes people should just understand what a traffic police officer goes through before they endlessly harass us on the road,” Sang explains to me. I stop him. He doesn’t have to explain any further. The twelve or so hours I have spent there have earned him my respect and sympathy.
Mad respect traffic cops!

Blueprint of a modern woman’s life


Blogger Penelope Trunk’s Blueprint for a Woman’s Life  is an article I loved reading recently because it resonated with the place I am in life. 
The career adviser gives some rather unconventional advice for women — like why they should take botox (the longer you can look younger than 45 the longer runway time you will have to figure out how to raise kids, hold a marriage together and still keep things vibrant and interesting intellectually), do less homework (school is not a harbinger of doing well in life), start a startup with a dude (smart women in their 20s are looking for husbands and cannot be 100% focused on some pie-in-the-sky startup; women in their 30s are having kids and trying to figure out how to work less; men are more easily focused solely on work) and why women should join graduate school young (if you get your MBA early, you set yourself up for skipping entry-level jobs, make re-entry after kids easier because you have higher level experience before you leave and are more likely to marry well).
She additionally advises women who want to go on maternity leave to position themselves in a job they can do with their eyes closed — because if you are taking care of a newborn baby and working full-time, you’ll be doing everything with your eyes closed.
Want to follow her advice? You will need to search your heart.
There are many women telling us how an ideal woman’s life ought to look like– she is a career woman who puts her work first; no, she is a stay-at-home-mom who realises no greater joy than being a home maker; no, she balances her life, work and mission, excelling at both… 
I think Penelope is onto something. But today morning I read the Bible’s blueprint of a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 and realised how much I need to realign my need to please me me  and me to what God’s word says, to what makes God, my husband, my children, even society smile.
 What’s the blue print of a virtuous woman that I want to live up to, the kind that will make my kids say: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.?
  • She is full of goodness. She is a woman of virtue.
  • She is capable; can be entrusted to deliver whatever is within her mandate efficiently. 
  • Her husband can trust her. He knows once she is handling it, it’s sorted. He knows she has his back every time. 
  • She will not hinder her husband but HELP him all her life. Call her dignified PA, coat hanger, shoe wiper, dinner warmer, budget planner, door opener… whatever help he needs, that’s where she meets his needs. She is a helpmate. All her life. Not just when he’s remembered to call her during the day or when he’s helped with the kids. It’s not seasonal or moody helping. It’s meeting his needs all the days of her life.
  • She is busy clothing her family. She works hard to make sure they are clothed. She shops for them. She mends those that need buttons. She irons them. She makes sure her family looks the part.
  • She is like a merchant ship. The thought that comes to mind is a ship that looks like the middle of Gikosh or Toi market. Full of resources, goodies and supplies. 
  • She feeds her family.
  • She gets up before dawn to make breakfast.
  • She is an employer. Through her others can earn a living. She plans the day’s work for her workers. 
  • She invests in property and grows her income where she finds opportunities.
  • She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.
  • She is frugal. She practices austerity. She hunts for bargains. she watches her coins. She does not waste her husband’s money.
  • Her lamp burns late into the night. I don’t know what you do late into the night but I have several naughty ideas considering that’s when there is no danger of kids breaking down our door.
  • She’s generous to those in need and compassionate. She is a giver.
  • She plans for the future. Nothing catches her by surprise. 
  • She’s resourceful.
  • She is elegant and classy. She dresses well, she looks well. She doesn’t look like a hobo or like a mama headed to the farm in leso, torn tee and worn-out stockings on her head. 
  • Her husband is a leader whose opinion is sought after.
  • She’s an entrepreneur who uses her skills to earn money. She grabs business opportunities that come her way.
  • She is clothed with strength and dignity. Strong people can love. Strong people forgive. strong people give of themselves. Dignity: worthy of honour and respect.
  • She is optimistic about the future. She inspires, uplifts.
  • Her words are wise and her instructions come with kindness.
  • She is observant and in charge of her household. Not the children, not the help; not her mother or mother-in-law.
  • She is never lazy.
  • Her children honour her and call her blessed.
  • Top of all, she fears the Lord.

That list can be intimidating but don’t let it cower you. That’s not the goal. Choose an item where you need improvement and work on it gradually and who know, may be by end year you can actually tick off every single item.

Surviving sleep deprivation as a new mom

How many hours of sleep does a human need?
Honestly, how many hours of sleep can a mom get by on?

After too many nights of  interrupted REM cycles, I’m walking around feeling like a zombie, like my eyes should be on pain killers or something. Because between getting home from work, shuffling the kids off to bed, then nursing an infant who keeps waking up through the night (God, she has been teething for months), then waking up to get my son ready for an early school bus … I need a sleep vacation, somewhere with a hammock and hopefully swaying palms and endless pineapple-coconut mojitos. I also love ice cream, tangy flavours.

Aart from students who have been pulling all nighters to study for exams of finish a project, mums are the other category of people who walk around permanently thinking, “I need to sleep. I need to sleep.”

I have always been that person who tends to need more sleep than others. Well, I also sleep later than most people (My energy starts peaking at 6pm :-)) but getting out of bed in the morning has never been easy.
As a kid, I wanted to be grown up so I would never have to wake up early again to go to school. Oh, life’s irony! Someone forgot to tell me you grow up, get a job and live in the city- and now you have to wake up early to get to the office and to beat crazy Nairobi traffic.
My high school favoured me in that we had no morning preps (does God answer prayer?), and in college I gained quite the record of the chic who shows up for an 8 oclock at 9am.

I know there are insomniacs who cannot sleep for more than five hours, just by their wiring. Reason lends that there are others at the end of the spectrum who need more than the prescribed 7.5- 8 hours of sleep to function optimally. I think I fall squarely in that category.
Now writing that makes me feel guilty. Why do we look down on sleep so much as a culture? People can surely get an ample night’s sleep and still be billionaires, right?

To be honest, although I have always needed an alarm clock to get out of bed, I never really missed my sleep until I got kids. Now, I just stumble along with bloodshot eyes, fantasizing about Saturday mornings when I can sleep in — only for me to be woken up at 6am sharp by a pre-schooler who will only watch TV if mommy switches it on.
 
My friend told me the other day that she has been unwell, has this headachae that wont go away. She isa mother of a three-year-old and a 8-month-old.
My first question to her was: “Are you getting enough sleep?” To ask a mom that is  an oxymoron.

A research done in the UK by Mother and Baby magazine found out that most mothers, getting by on five hours of sleep a night, are so exhausted with juggling the conflicting demands of modern life they profess to not enjoying motherhood.
More than half (56%) said weariness left them in a “state of despair” while 82% of working mothers admitted a lack of sleep affected their performance and output at work.
And 55% said tiredness made them irritated with their baby with 70% of mothers aged over 35 feeling most irritated when their child cries.

The survey, commissioned by Mother and Baby magazine, found mums only got an average of four hours sleep a night during the first four months of their baby’s life.
Once their baby reached 18 months, they still only average five hours a night.
Those over 35 suffered most from devoting their energies to family life while holding down a career – 90% said their relationship had been badly affected, with 70% going off sex and 92% “feeling wrecked” at work.
Eight out of 10 mothers with a baby aged up to two said a lack of sleep put their partnership under immense strain and caused rows.
Only 31% of fathers woke up if their baby cried, even if both parents worked full-time, according to the survey.

Another recent study shows that four 10 to 15 minute sleep interruptions in the night are enough to leave people groggy and grumpy because a full night’s sleep that is interrupted can be as bad as getting only half a night. So if you slept eight hours but woke up four times to breastfeed, you are as good as the dude who slept at 3am; cruel.

Not that men always have it easy. There are days when the children are unwell and keep us awake through the night, sleeping at 4am; then precious dear has to be up at 5.30am, and get through the day on one and a half hours of sleep.

Lack of sleep does result in grumpiness, being less gracious, more impatient and more selfish and a poor worker.

Want to be a better spouse, worker, colleague? Get proper sleep.

But how, seriously, unless you can sleep train your infant to sleep through the night? And how do you make your child sleep through the night when really that is the only time you get to bond with the tot and catch up on breastfeeding now that the rest of the time you are either stuck in traffic or are at work?

You know you are sleep deprived when:
1. You are looking for a dark corner during the day to catch some Zzzz just to stay awake.
2. You fall asleep in warm places like stuffy Nairobi buses, lecture halls, and churches.
3. You doze off while watching the TV or after hitting the couch.
4. You need an alarm to wake you up in the morning.
5. You hit the snooze button regularly.
6. Just getting out of bed is a chore.
7. You are out cold within five minutes of hitting your pillows.

Yep, that’s all me. How did I become “those people” who fall asleep in matatus?

I need a sleep vacation. Somewhere where the leafy palms swing. Oh, I forgot. I am a mom.

I keep loving orange

I love colour, and while I may not wear strong colours, you will surely find them around me, in a sweater, pillow, t-shirt…
Well, I have been dreaming of orange rooms.
I hope this inspires you to try out something similar:

 Lovely orange, beautiful lighting and contrast with white.

 Contrasting two shades of orange.

 With lime green accents.


 Modern and sleek.

A cosy sitting area.

Tips to help you date successfully

I found this post in 2009 when I was coming from a dark place in love and I needed to learn to love myself, articulate what I want in a relationship, avoid drama like the plague and trust that God intended me to have a healthy and sound relationship that honours him… 

I have since put asterisks where I am re-thinking the phrases, but I still find it sound advice for every single woman who has a history.

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man’s character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5 Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Don’t force an attraction
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don’t let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don’t settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship – take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

Honourable men

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren’t involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There’s only one ‘reason’ a man dumps you; he doesn’t want you.
18. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn’t call, he just isn’t that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don’t be strung along.
26. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused role”. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don’t wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There’s more than physical abuse, there’s emotional and mental abuse.
If he causes any of them…flee.

Change comes from within

29. You cannot change a man’s behaviors. Change comes from within.
30. Don’t let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself – double-standard.
31. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can’t give it, he can’t have you!
34. Don’t compete with other women, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he’s lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else’s man.
40. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you and it doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom to ‘get it right’ the next time.
43 Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb …
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don’t love self…you can’t love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart.

Baggage

51. Yo need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage…deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
*54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55 Never become your man’s “therapist”.
56. When actions and words conflict- believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it – but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type”…when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for you.
*59. Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space…let him go out with his boys, don’t pressure him to spend time with you, You can’t force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn’t allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn’t be with him.
*62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother’s house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don’t depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
*67. Never spoil your man, let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When its time to let go, let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don’t play games.
72. You can’t make a whore into a housewife – or husband.
*73. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, is important.
*75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

I’m back, with colour

Wow, how many years after my last post? I won’t count.
Life has been going on meanwhile, and of late I am into lots of things, among them gardening, interior decor, parenting and a wee bit of fashion. so YEEEEAA, this blog just got broader.

 I start with bedrooms I am loving:
All photos courtesy.

I looove the shade of orange and the contrast with white and lime. A bedroom I definitely wouldn’t mind.

The green and aqua blue are so refreshing.

Modern sitting room. Must belong to a single woman (who else does a white carpet and white sofas?).

Again, orange and lime working perfectly.

For the red lovers.

Unique dining table.

How to design with aqua and green.

And how to bring a room alive with colour and pattern and still leave it looking classy.

Sneeking in colour.

A blue and green bedroom, nicely executed.

The green and blue continues. Notice the area above the seat.

Brangelina babies photos sell for a stupefying Sh900 million


I love pictures of babies… babies I know, babies I don’t know, babies I will never meet nor do I care to. Recently when I put a desktop picture of a big cute baby gal, a colleague dissed me and told me to go get my own.

My fascination with other people’s baby pictures might have something to do with that fact that I do not have any of my own- for some reason the youngest I ever saw myself was at more than a year old. And even then I did not offer the most flattering model to the Village (more like district) cameraman who passed by every Sunday. I was so totally afraid of the cam that I was always crying in photos… and goes my sad but short affiliation with them pics.

Now I was stupefied when I heard that the Brangelina twin photos were sold to People magazine for $14 mil (Sh896 million).

Previously when People paid a reported $4 million to publish pictures of Brangelina’s earlier contribution to the human race in 2006, the issue actually sold out.

Certain sectors of the population — I’m taking a wild guess that most of them are women — get a kick out of seeing pictures of babies that were birthed by people they will never meet.

I want to look this gorgeous when I am old

Photo:Courtesy

Talk of a gorgeous Kenyan woman in old age and Orie Rogo Manduli is likely to come to mind. She is outrageous, yes, but she has grace, and poise, and confidence, and beauty not many 70-year-olds can have ( I aint sure of her age though).

I guess that’s why Miss Kenya 2005 Cecilia Mwangi wants to grow up to be like Orie Rogo- flaunting what she has even when Botox can no longer do the magic.

I loved the way Hillary Clinton looked during the 2008 Democratic Convention in Denver. I wanna look this gorgeous at fifte, grandkids and all. Who says I can’t?

Are Kenyan men ready to be "ruled" by women?

Photo: Courtesy

I wrote this piece last year just before the General election in Kenya. eight months later, though not in an electioneering mood, I believe the piece is still relevant:

Someone was recently griping about the women lobbyists who are saying that women should be voted into parliament on the virtue of being female. I agreed on one front with him. You are not going to vote in a bad leader just to make political statements to men.

Leadership, like so many other things, cannot be determined on the platform of gender. The flipside is that gender should not disqualify one from the same. But it has to take more than civil education to sink that into the craniums of some African men and women.

When in one village, a woman beat the men during the civic nominations, one appalled voter sought reaffirmation from his colleagues.
“Yaani you have decided we are going to be ruled by a woman?”
To which his wiser partner said, “That is the way it looks right now but let us wait and see.”

In theory, no one has problems with women getting into positions of authority. The idea of affirmative action is ok with most people, until you explain that that would mean about 100 women in Parliament. Then gender partiality creeps in. Worse still if a woman is pushing the agenda. It becomes a case of ‘wanawake.’

Political parties in their manifestos have promised Canaan for women. We just have to wait and see how much of that will be delivered.

I hope no one is wondering why women need to get into Parliament, by the way. If the men promise to do a good job at speaking for the woman and she busies herself with her matriarchal roles, then everybody is happy. Right? Wrong.

First we cannot ignore the fact that certain seeds of female emancipation (by any other name) have been sowed and women believe that they can do a better job in the August House. Secondly though, men have tried to speak for the woman, most of the time they lack the drive or rationale; consequently a lot still needs to be done.

The blame, as we can deduce from the above conversations and in many other discourses concerning women in political leadership, lies squarely on the mindsets of a patriarchal society. A woman in top political leadership has for a long time been phenomenal. It was not until after World War I that the first few women became members of governments. Many countries are now breaking out. Liberia, Chile, Finland, India, Ireland, The Philippines and Switzerland are such proud examples that now have female presidents.

Denmark, The Netherlands and the UK have reigning Queens.
Germany, New Zealand, Mozambique and The Netherlands Antilles have woman Prime Ministers.
In 1999 Sweden became the first country to have more female ministers than male. With 11 women and nine men, in 2007 the Finish government had 60 per cent women.

Locally, Rwanda and Mozambique are shaming Kenya with more than 30 per cent of women in parliament. That, compared to Kenya’s measly eight per cent in the last parliament.

Today, only Monaco and Saudi Arabia have never had a female member of government in at least a sub-ministerial position.

That should be enough evidence for dear men that yeah, you can be ruled by a woman. And they will do quite a good job of it- leadership is not in the gender. It is in knowing th needs of the people and meeting them, speaking for them, ensuring structures are in place for mwananchi to work and prosper.

The above women are doing an exemplary job. I hope that the over 120 women who have scooped party nominations this year will make it to Parliament. Compared to the 44 of last year, that already is very encouraging. May be finally more women will show at the ballot box that they too can convince a woman-stingy electorate to give them votes despite the electoral violence, bribery, hooliganism, verbal abuse and threats against aspirants. That they too can survive in the men’s club that government is.

Voting in a woman will not automatically guarantee a significant effect in enhancing women’s right nor will it necessarily translate into a political power base for women. Like the Marxists say the advancement of certain middle-class women does not in the least end the oppression of working-class women or poor peasant women as such.

We have seen many who have been there and have done nothing for their own constituencies leave alone for the women of Kenya. All the aspirants seek is that they could get an equal chance to show what they can do, to redeem their societies and their country without the gender bigotry involved. If they have been trusted with the family, then they should be trusted with the ward, constituency and the government.

Being a perfectionist will work against you

Something interesting about progression in life is that you become more and more pre-occupied with the need for happiness. You have struggled, worked hard, so you deserve the good life- right? You deserve a well-paying job that you enjoy and that can earn you respect, you deserve cool and faithful friends, a man who treats you right, a house that compliments your style… the works.

But what if these things do not come? What if even after your prestigious Masters degree the job you get is still crap? What if even after doing everything possible to be the prime catch, you end up attracting less than the most appealing choice for a spouse? What if you have done everything right and you are 37, fabulous and single?

Do you set the bar a little lower or do you continue believing that because you are a prime catch, you can only end up with the prize job, car, house, man, may be even kids and in-laws….

I just think we are becoming a society of perfectionist that expects nothing but the best from everybody including our employers, mothers and children. And we are becoming less and less patient with weaknesses. A child who is a nuisance is spirited to boarding school. An annoying mother is prohibited from coming to your home, ever. A lousy husband/boyfie is dumped like a hot potato.

Do we ever sit to ponder on the gaping holes we have in our characters and personalities? Who said we are perefect? Someone else has to put up with our perfectionisms anyway? And truth is every great trait can also be irritating to someone else. Your great education can make you aloof. Your great job can make you a busy body who never has time for others. Your great body can make you proud.

Let’s extend grace if we want to receive the same.